Endure
by justadoge
Summary: Starts right at the end of the game. Joel and Ellie get to Jackson. How long will the tentative peace the settlement provides last for them? News travels fast. Will they be able to survive it? [first chapter contains spoilers]


"Hey, wait." The words seemed to slip out of her mouth before she could stop them. She paused, her right hand nervously clutching a couple of fingers on her left as she stalled. Frustrated, she blew air from between her lips and turned away briefly, gathering herself. Joel turned around to face her, putting his back to the valley where Jackson lay nestled below.

_No turning back now, _she thought. "Back in Boston – back when I was bitten. I wasn't alone." Joel listened, his expression going from shock to blank. Ellie couldn't stop the flow of words even if she wanted to. "My best friend was there. And she got bit too." Her voice hitched slightly, and she stopped again.

"We didn't know what to do," she shook her head, struggling to stay in the present. Her eyes grew distant and glassy as she focused on the memory. "So, she says, 'Let's just wait it out. Y'know, we can be all poetic and just lose our minds together.'" Her voice cracked lightly again, but she pushed on. "I'm still waiting for my turn." She looked back up at him – this man who had seen and done unspeakable things for her, with her. They had truly been to Hell and back together. _So why was this so hard?_

"Ellie -"

"Her name was Riley and she was the first to die. And then it was Tess..." She looked down as she said it, overcome by sadness. "And then Sam." She was speaking softly now, the weight of her guilt crushing her.

"None of that is on you," he said, his voice just as soft, but gruff and raspy.

"No, you don't understand." She shook her head again, her voice gaining back some of its power.

Joel took a half step towards her, his arms crossed over his chest. "I struggled for a long time with survivin'." His head turned, and he watched her out of one eye. "And you -" his arms uncrossed, and his right hand caressed the broken watch on his left wrist absently, like he always did when his guard was down. This always distracted her – it was such a human thing for him to do. She wondered about the watch a lot, but he had never told her the story, and she hadn't pushed, sensing his need to keep it buried. "No matter what, you keep finding something to fight for."

She expelled the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding and turned away from him, and he hurried to continue. "Now, I know that's not what you want to hear right now, but it's -"

"Swear to me." Her voice, slightly louder than his, cut him off abruptly. He took a step back, caught off guard by her demeanor. When he didn't answer, she continued. "Swear to me that everything that you said about the Fireflies is true." Her voice, usually so strong, faltered once more.

He watched her for a few seconds, letting out a soft sigh. His expression had gone from surprise to dark grimace in a blink, and she didn't know what to make of it.

"I swear."

Ellie waited, her eyes flicking rapidly across his face. Then she nodded.

"Okay."

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. It was almost... guilty? "C'mon, then. Let's get a move on." He jogged to the edge of the valley and looked down on the town below. She followed him, a few paces behind, her mind lost in their conversation. He was lying, that much she knew. But why? Didn't she deserve the truth? She thought she would be angry, but she was just... numb. Blank.

They headed down the side of the cliff, picking their way carefully down the grassy incline. After about an hour of this, the ground leveled out under their feet, and the entrance to Jackson could be seen a half mile away. The heavy walls that surrounded the town met in a huge, solid gate, and she could just make out what appeared to be guards stationed on either side, near the top. Guard towers.

They didn't speak as they walked slowly towards the gate, and neither one pressed for conversation. The air around them had turned slightly sour, awkward, and Ellie relished in the quiet as she mulled over her thoughts. The click of a gun jarred her back, and Joel's arm swung out slowly, deliberately, across her chest, stopping her mid-stride. He pressed his arm into her jacket, forcing her to step back, and as he stepped in front of her, she realized that he was shielding her from something.

"Stop where you are, no sudden moves!" A harsh voice barked from one of the guard towers, and Ellie could just make out the glint of a scope, pointed directly at them. Joel raised his hands in nonthreatening manner, palms up, and cast her a glance from the side that she understood all too well. _Stay behind me and don't move. _She nodded softly, and he looked forward again. Even after the unpleasant display on the clifftop, he was still putting himself between her and potential danger, and the thought made her smile, despite it all.

"Easy," he said, his voice soft and crooning. "I'm Joel, this is Ellie. I'm Tommy's brother." His words made the man stop, though he didn't lower his gun. His buddy on the other tower faltered, and a second later he was speaking into a radio. They couldn't make out what was being said, but the faint crackling voice drifted down to the pair, gravelly and distorted.

After a minute, the gate creaked open a foot, and Tommy's disbelieving face peered out at them.

"Well, I'll be damned," he said, his voice quiet. His eyes were wide, not daring to believe it. Then again, his brother was the most stubborn bastard he had ever known. He shouldered the gate open wider and stepped out, closed the distance between himself and the two travelers, and pulled his brother into a fierce hug.

"Hey there, little brother," rasped Joel, and Tommy let out a laugh before releasing him, smiling at Ellie as he stood back.

"Ellie, how're you doin'?" She shrugged, offering him a weak smile. His expression fell for an instant before brushing it off. "Exhausted, I'd reckon. Let's get inside." He turned back to the gate and pulled it open wider, standing aside to let them pass ahead of him. He heaved the heavy iron back into place and bolted it before gesturing for them to follow him.

The trio walked down the street, Ellie trailing slightly behind the men, her eyes wide as she surveyed the sleepy town. The sun was beginning its descent behind the tall gate, casting things into shadow. A few houses had lit their porch lights, the soft yellow glow bathing the worn wood. Joel followed her gaze and smiled slightly at her amazed expression. Electricity was spotty at best in Boston; lights were never lit like this.

"This is some place you got goin' here, Tommy." He gestured mildly at the houses lining the street they were following. A few people watched them as they walked, some sitting on porches, others walking leisurely along the other side of the street. A few waved at Tommy, giving the newcomers curious looks. Tommy smiled, waving back.

"Yeah. It's been a long ride, but it's thrivin'. We got our own crops, and livestock, and you already know about the horses. We're goin' on about fifteen strong, now." Ellie was drawn back to the conversation at that, her face lighting up.

"That many?" She quickened her pace and fell into step alongside Joel. Tommy nodded, indicating to a large building in the distance.

"The barn's over there. We're workin' on gettin' another paddock built, too." Ellie whirled around and squinted in the direction he had pointed, her gaze resting on a big, square building. A few horses had their heads peering out of open gaps in the wood, and a large, circular space surrounded by a fence was just visible. She smiled.

"We'll go see 'em tomorrow, okay kiddo?" Joel was glad she seemed to bounce back to her old self, even a little, and he wished they could go greet the animals now. But he knew that he and Tommy had some business to attend to tonight. However, this seemed to satisfy Ellie just fine.

"Great!" The smile on her face didn't fade as he had feared, and a small flare of hope burned in his chest. He raised his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, giving her a light squeeze before dropping his arm again. She smiled up at him. She nudged him gently with her shoulder before glancing around them once more, her eyes bright, alive.

He shivered. Her eyes had seemed so listless since... since winter. The sight of her so lively, seeing her spark... it was something he wanted more than anything. He ached so badly for her to lead a normal, happy life. As normal as you can get in this world, at least. He really needed to talk to Tommy.

They continued walking down the middle of the street, the houses beginning to thin out in number as they went. The thick wall that bordered the entire settlement was about a mile down the road, a few men patrolling it visible in the fading light. Joel would bet the last of his best bourbon there was some kind of patrol rotation, and he tacked that onto his mental list of things to discuss with his brother.

Tommy stopped in front of a small two-story house, his face cracked into a grin. It had a spacious front porch, complete with a wide oak door flanked by two floor length, glass-paned windows. One of them had a long crack, but it appeared to still be fully intact besides that. A couple of comfortable looking wooden chairs sat together on one side of the porch.

"Whaddya think?" Tommy gestured to the little house, his eyes switching between Joel and Ellie, gauging their reactions.

"This.. is this ours?" Ellie asked, her voice amazed. Tommy nodded, dropping his arm.

"I've been savin' it for you two... just in case you came back. I meant what I said. There's a place for you here," Joel hadn't looked away from the house. His eyes roved over the weathered wood of the porch, up the siding, and came to rest on the single window that faced the street from the second floor. He tore his eyes away and regarded his brother, his eyes hooded.

"Tommy, this is..." he stopped, cleared his throat, and started again. "This is perfect." His brother had chosen a house set well away from most of the other residents of Jackson, and that suited him just fine. He knew Ellie would like it, too. She was like him in that way. In truth, she was better than him in most every way possible; this he knew without a doubt. But in this, they were the same.

"Hell yeah!" Ellie quipped, bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet. The two men chuckled at her antics.

"Well, go on, go have a look," Tommy suggested, and she skipped forward, glancing at Joel, and bounded up the steps at his nod. She opened the door and slipped inside, casting a delighted look at Joel before disappearing into the dark house.

"She's a spitfire, alright," commented Tommy, and Joel chuckled, though the remark gave him pause. He hoped Ellie would be able to recover from her ordeal here, in the safety of this town, away from all the Hell the world had to offer.

"You have no idea," he replied, his eyes on the door she had gone through.

"Joel."

He sighed. _Here it comes. "_Yeah." The blond man ran a hand through his long hair, turning to face his brother.

"What... what happened with the Fireflies?" Joel turned to his brother, his expression grim. It unnerved Tommy... it brought back bad memories. He took a half step back before he could stop himself.

Joel turned, checking to see if Ellie had rejoined them, but a flood of soft light that poured from a window on the side of the house confirmed that she was still inside. A muffled 'Whoa!' was heard from inside.

"When we got to the university, it was too quiet. No one met us. There was abandoned watch zones and signs everywhere, but it was deserted. We found the lab, but by then it was pretty obvious they'd gone." He stopped, his face hardening at the memory. "We searched the science building and finally found the head scientist's tape recorder. It said they had gone to Salt Lake City, and we could find them there."

"Ah, shit. I'm sorry, brother. I had no idea..." Joel held up his hand.

"S'not your fault, Tommy. Anyway, by then, a group o' hunters had come. They shot at us, and we high tailed it outta there." His hand rubbed the still sore scar on his abdomen, his fingers running over the puckered, uneven flesh. "We were almost out, but then this asshole came runnin' at me. Toppled us both over the railing of the second floor. I landed on a piece of rebar... damn thing skewered me." Tommy's expression melted from shock to horror, his mouth hanging open.

"Jesus, Joel," he whispered faintly, running his hand down his face. "How the hell did you survive somethin' like that?"

"It was Ellie. She... she got me outta there, Tommy. Killed men to do it. Hauled my ass out and onto that horse. I shoulda died. Woulda died, if she hadn't been there." He let his hand drop to his side.

"Christ." Tommy looked pale, his eyes wide. "But... that's not the end of it, is it?"

Joel shook his head. "After... after winter, we made it to Salt Lake City." He wasn't going there, not now. Ellie still fought demons from last winter, and no one, not even his own brother, was about to open fresh wounds. "We had to get through a huge horde of infected in an underground tunnel, and on the other side of that, a flood. Ellie can't swim." He broke off, his voice cracking slightly. It had only been a few days ago, but it felt like years. How close he had come to losing her. He shuddered.

"Look, Joel, if you need a few days to... to rest up, this can wait." He clapped his brother on the shoulder, his brow furrowed in concern. Joel considered him, but shook his head after.

"Nah, this needs to be said." _Don't wanna get comfortable only to have you kick me out when I tell ya, little brother. _"We were almost through the floodwaters in the tunnel when the bus we were crossing gave way. I fell in, wound up in the back of the bus as the water rushed through. Ellie got me out, but... She can't swim, Tommy." He said it again, shutting his eyes against the onslaught of emotions the story was bringing. He cleared his throat. "I got to her, and she was floatin' in the water. She wasn't breathin'... I-I tried to resuscitate her, but some Firefly bastard knocked me out with the butt of his rifle before I could." The anger crept into his voice then, and Tommy grimaced. "I woke up in a hospital bed. Marlene was there."

"Marlene? She still around?" Tommy blurted. Joel cast him a look, but ignored the question.

"I asked her to take me to Ellie, but she wouldn't. They… they were preppin' her for surgery." His voice failed him fully then, and he stopped for a minute, trying to gather himself. Dread seeped into Tommy's bones at his brother's words. _Not again._

"Joel..."

"I... I couldn't let them do that, Tommy. I couldn't lose another one." Joel's words shocked Tommy, but at the same time, it made sense. Didn't mean he had to like it, though.

"Joel, what the hell did you do!?"

"I did what I had to. I stopped them, Tommy."

"Fuck, Joel! What about Marlene? She wouldn't have..." The younger man stopped. The look on his brother's face said it all. "Do you have any idea what you've done?" Joel's eyes blazed with a fury Tommy hadn't seen in fifteen years.

"Of course I do! But I'd do it again if I had to!" He retorted, his voice raising in his anger. "They were gonna kill her, Tommy. Without even wakin' her up after nearly drownin'." He struggled to keep his anger in check; he didn't want anyone else hearing this conversation. "Without even _askin' her_!"

Tommy's hands had balled into fists, but they hung passively at his side. Just as soon as they had clenched, however, they relaxed. "Look, Joel. I know you care for Ellie. I know she means... means the world to you, and after Sarah...-"

"Joel, holy shit, there's running water! And it's hot!" The two men looked up, seeing Ellie hanging out of the second-story window. Her face was alight with joy, but her expression faltered slightly upon seeing Joel and his brother in such aggressive stances. They backed away hastily, and Joel smiled up at her.

"That's great, kiddo. Gimme a minute, I'll be right in." She nodded and waved at Tommy before sliding off the sill, leaving the glass panes wide open. Tommy sighed again.

"Joel, I'm not gonna kick you out. I know that's what your wonderin'. You're my brother. Even if I don't agree with the way you... handled this, I can't say I don't understand." He ran a hand through his hair, something he did when he was agitated. Joel nodded, feeling like he had aged ten years in the last ten minutes.

"Ellie doesn't know," said Joel. Tommy nodded, not entirely surprised. "I'd appreciate it if it stayed that way."

"I won't go tellin' her, but you should. Somethin' like this won't stay secret for long."

"I know, little brother. I don't plan on keepin' her in the dark for long. But the truth... wouldn't do her any good. Not right now." _She has other demons she needs to tackle first. _Tommy nodded.

"Well, ah… welcome to Jackson." He smiled wearily. "I expect Maria will come say hello tomorrow morning. She's at the hydro plant tonight."

"Thanks, Tommy. For everything." Tommy nodded, his smile warming up.

"All things considered, I _am_ glad to see ya, Joel. And Ellie. I... I'm glad she's okay." _That little girl has saved Joel from the worst kind of Hell. _"Maria will give you two the grand tour tomorrow, I reckon. I'll try to stop by too, but tomorrow is my day at the plant. We'll have to figure out where you fit into the schedule, but I'll give ya a week to settle in." He smirked, gesturing around the rugged neighborhood.

Joel nodded, walking backwards towards the front porch. "Alright, then. G'night, little brother."

"Night, big brother."

* * *

"Ellie?" He called softly, his voice carrying around the small house. A door closed upstairs, and he headed for the staircase.

"I'm up here!"

"Hey, watcha find?" He stepped onto the second-floor landing, and she appeared out of a room on the left side of the hallway.

"There's two bedrooms and a big bathroom up here!" She indicated to the door she'd just come out of.

He peered inside, and saw that it was, indeed, a spacious bathroom. Counters ran along an entire wall, with two sinks set into the cracked tile, and a mirror covering most of the top half of the wall. On the opposite side of the room, a deep bathtub took up a corner, and a big, warped glass shower occupied the other. A towel rack, adorned with two big, fluffy green towels, hung in-between them. Even the toilet, an unassuming white porcelain bowl, was a sight for sore eyes.

He walked up to one of the sinks and, sure enough, water streamed out steadily when he fiddled with the knob. The temperature rose when he tried the other dial, and he let out a soft, thrilled noise from the back of his throat.

"Well, I'll be. When's the last time you had a hot shower, kiddo?" She shrugged, kicking at the worn doorjamb.

"Ah, never. The showers in the Boston QZ were cold as shit." He grimaced.

"Well, then. We can't have that." He strode to the shower and peered inside, and, sure enough, found a bar of hard, white soap. There was even a bottle of shampoo. Definitely a luxury he hadn't had for more than ten years. "C'mere." She did, and he gestured to the shampoo. "I don't reckon they had shampoo in the QZ either?" She shook her head. "Squeeze some into your hand and rub it into your hair, and then rinse it all out after."

"Rodger dodger." She straightened up. "Lemme just, uh, get something to change into, I guess." She wandered out, her hands in her pockets. He frowned after her, but shook it off. Turning back to the shower, he fiddled with the knobs, adjusting them until a heavy rain of hot, soothing water fell from the shower head.

"Ugh, these pants have seen better days." She held up a pair of gray sweat pants, and he could see an ugly brown stain on the left leg.

"I reckon we can figure out a way to do laundry one o' these days." She looked at him quizzically, and he chuckled again. "Wash our clothes."

"Ah, yes. I vote yes." She set the pants and a long sleeved, black shirt on the counter and leaned against it.

"Ellie." She looked up at him, her face questioning. He reached out and set his hand on her shoulder. "Everything is gonna get better here. We're safe. We'll be okay. " She stared at him, her eyes wide, and for a fraction of a second, her lower lip trembled. But she shook it off just as quickly.

She straightened up and wrapped her arms around his middle, resting her cheek against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed gently.

"I know, Joel." Her voice was muffled by his shirt, but he heard her. They stayed that way for another couple of seconds before he broke his hold and backed up. They didn't hug very often, but every time they had, it caused his chest to constrict painfully. She smiled. "Now, get outta here, old man." His dark mood lifted considerably, and he chuckled.

"Sure thing." He strode to the door and pulled it closed, hearing it click as it fell into place. He leaned against the wall, taking everything in.

A moment later, an excited shout of "Ah, ah, hot, that's fucking hot!" floated out of the bathroom, and he let out a bark of laughter before moving down the hall to explore the bedrooms.

* * *

**AN: Weeelp, it's a start! This is gonna be anywhere between 5 and 10 chapters, but i'm not sure at this point. I don't know how regularly I will update, but reviews definitely help! I'm hoping to post new chapters at least every couple weeks, but don't quote me on that. College kicks my ass. **

**Special thanks to my friend K, who edited this and found all my dumb mistakes. Thanks babby!**


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